Poetry Critique

Castles Made of Sand by Jimi Hendrix
lyricsdomain.com

A little Indian brave who before he was ten, played war games in
the woods with his Indian friends, and he built a dream that when he
grew up, he would be a fearless warrior Indian Chief.

Many moons passed and more the dream grew strong, until tomorrow
He would sing his first war song,
And fight his first battle, but something went wrong,
Suprise attack killed him in his sleep that night

And so castles made of sand, melts into the sea eventually.

I chose this poem because I found the poem to be unique on many levels. Unlike a conventional poem, this poem has an off-beat rhythm to it when read. Jimi also wrote this into a song, and I like the song a lot.

Castles made of sand are very weak and can fall apart instantly. This title is ironic because castles are generally very sturdy fortresses but sand castles are the opposite. They are very brittle and can fall apart easily. The purpose of this title was to show that anything can immediately disappear or end. In the poem, the Indian boy planned his whole life around being a brave Indian chief, but his life ended unexpectedly.

The phrase "castles made of sand" is a metaphor for the the story of the indian boy. This helps to emphasize the moral of the story. The phrase "Many moons passed, and more the dream grew strong" is an alliteration because it uses the same first letter consanent multiple times. This also helps create an image of many nights passing as the boy dreamed about his goal of becoming a fierce Indian chief.

The tone of the is somber. It conveys a depressing tone because it builds up an optimistic story then crushes it with a pessimistic ending. The author did a good job conveying this tone because he builds up the story with lots of descriptive words, then ends it abruptly with a short sentence. "surprise attack killed him in his sleep that night"

Intervention

Last night I was really tired and layed down on my couch to watch the show Intervention. I like this show because it is interesting to observe someone's life throughout the course of a few weeks and then see how they respond to the idea of going to intervention. Also I like to see if they ended up quitting their addiction after coming back from their intervention camp or if they ended up relapsing. Last night was about a girl named Haylee who became addicted to "speedballing", which is mixing cocaine and heroin. When she was young she was an amazing violinist ranked top 3 in her state. After a while, though she started doing drugs and quit playing the violin. In this TV show, she spent $150 every day just to feed her addiction. Her mom was also messed up and was annorexic and would exercise 6 hours a day. At the end of the show Haylee's family offered Haylee intervention. Haylee ended up going but relapsed several times afterwards.

potential titles for my personal narrative

Sun setting on a quiet lake: my love for fishing
Bass jumping on peaceful water: my love for fishing
Bobbers floating on a quiet lake: my love for fishing

Today

I just remembered that I have to stay after school to take a math test so I'm not happy about that. I got to miss it last week because I had that counselor college appointment during 5th hour. But now it's been almost a week and I forgot a lot of stuff and now I have to take the test. So that's what I'm thinking about right now

Personal Narrative Rough Draft

One activity that I enjoy is fishing. When I was 6 years I used to go to my cabin in Wisconsin every summer. When I was there my grandpa taught me how to fish. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, I think this experience is what made me love fishing today.

I think this passage needs help because it doesn't have enough description about fishing with my grandpa.

Discover

Things I like to write about

Vacations
Fishing
Music
Sports
My favorite foods and restaurants
Tennis
Waterboy
Happy Gilmore
Billy Madison
Minnesota
The Olympics
Why speedwalking is an Olympic Sport
Family Guy
Deal or No Deal
Wheel of Fortune
The guy that got the first question wrong on Millionaire
Sumo wrestling